Hello Crazy Person, My Name Is Insanity.

So, I finally just had a breakdown. Big shocker. Well to someone reading this it might be but Im not surprised. Im such a mess all the time. So over the past few days little things have been building up and stressing me out; my mom leaving on her trip, my grandparents are crazy people, Riley, my phone getting screwed up, and so one and so forth! The final straw was my dad flipping out at the cell phone guy when I was trying to get my phone fixed. When he dropped me off at home and was apologizing I lost it. First it was just crying but then I tried to talk which brought on the hyperventilation and then I was sobbing and hyperventilating at the same time. Woo! My dad starts going into his new age-y "be with the feeling, be there for it" crap and that made me mad because I hate when he talks about all that stuff. I love new age ideas and such but for some reason when my dad talks about it I get annoyed. Finally I calm down and he makes me read some "Essential Spirituality" book. To top it all off he makes me meditate with him. Yeah. I was mad at that point and just wanted him to leave but of course he doesnt. I wasnt actually meditating when he was guiding me but whatever. At last he leaves and I go back to being my normal, insane self.

On another note, I dont think I want a relationship with...you know. Him. I just think its a bad idea.

The sky looks like it might rain down on our dry old town. I sure hope it does because, as you know, rain is a good sign.



Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}


P.S. Im watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Thats my favorite:)

I Think Im Falling For You...♥

Oh my, I like this guy. (Not anyone in my last post)

Thats all I have to say on that.

I had such a great 4th of July but I would rather talk about last year. Last years, on the 3rd of July I was in Phoenix with my dads side of the family. My uncle was getting sicker and sicker, closer and closer to dieing. He had cancer and the doctors pretty much said he wouldnt make it. We were staying in a big house my other uncle and aunt had rented for us and we were having a great time; playing games, swimming in the huge pool, playing music, the works. We were playing Apples to Apples when we heard the fireworks outside. Everyone rushed to the door and we watched the fireworks while standing in the middle of the street. It started to rain, I started to cry. Im terrible at hiding tears. I was so sure that he would die. All I could think was, "What if this is the last time I see him?" Well I was right, but it wasnt the last time. It was the second to last. So this year, on the 3rd of July, as we drove to Tubac to watch the fireworks, I couldnt hold back the tears. Even though I still miss the way my family was before and I miss my uncle Im glad I have this memory of the way things used to be.

Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Welcome to the Crazy Train

I havent made a post in a very long time. I have a lot to say. In just a few hours I went from having no guy problems whatsoever to having crazy problems.

First, theres a really cute guy who works at the Greek restaurant I like. The first time I went there after AcDec he kept giving me these...looks. A lot. Amelia saw it too! When we were walking to the bathroom he was walking the opposite way and he gave me the look. Amelia and I just looked at eachother like "What was that?!". Its was sort of a half smile/twitch thing.

Amelia and I went back again today and he was there. He gave me a real smile. When we went order I dropped my change all over the floor. Classy...But I we talked. A little.

Me-"Hey, you were here last time!"
"Yeah." Smile/cute look.

Yeah I know that seems lame and pretty normal but you had to have been there.

He kept smiling at me :). Then when I left he said bye and smiled at me like 3 different times! But it doesnt really matter because I think hes older than me. I think is a good time to mention that I do not like my age.

Second problem, Tristin. You should check my Polyvore (see the banner at top) to see the entire story but basicly...he told me he loves me. I dont like him. Why do I attract crazy people?! Jason is obsessed with me and Tristin loves me? What?? This makes no sense.

Im starting to sound like some stupid boy obsessed girl so I better sign off now.


Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Once a Whore Your Nothing More. Sweety, Thats Never Gunna Change.

Today was...interesting. And slightly dangerous. There is this girl at school who is pretty...tough. I angered her on Facebook even though a lot of people have told me not to piss this girl off. Oh well, I dont listen very well! She came over to confront me at lunch and was cussing me out and going crazy! I kept my cool though. Then she started saying she wanted to fight
"You wanna go?? You wanna go bitch??"
"Im not going to fight you."
"Lets go! Right now!"
"Umm...no."
She pushed me but I was not going to hit her first. If she had hit me I would have fought though because if I didnt my ass would have been kicked. Badly. Im not the strongest person...But it was sort of funny. She was saying how I should be saying things like that (I called her a stupid bitch) and how I should realize that she is a mean person and I should just deal with it (I told her off because she was being mean to my friend). Apparently she cant take what she gives out! Oh well...to bad for her.

Also, Jaime and Adam broke up!

peace.love.harrypotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Because Im just Not that Amazing. Darn.

Does anyone else think that its kind of mean to say to someone "How about no. Your just not that amazing" when someone asks you for your number? Because I do. But thats not really important anymore. What is important now is my hair.

Never get your bangs cut at the mall by a lady whos own bangs are in the middle of her forehead because apparently to her "just above my eyes" means "above my eyebrows and make sure they are really jagged and uneven". Thats obviously what she heard! My bangs are so jacked up Im not going to be able to wear them down for weeks! I want to grow them out anyways.

I dont feel like writing anymore today but you should check out my Polyvore account!
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=549338

Byyya!

Peace.Love.&HarryPotter.

{as.sane.as.me}



P.S. I am //that// amazing! Austin can suck it:)

Smother me while im sleeping so I dont have to wake up.

I HATE him. But I dont want to. I want to scream and yell and throw a fit. But I cant.

WHY do you hate me so much? Ive never done anything to you! It all started at CIMI when Carley asked him if he like me. Obviously he doesnt but...it almost seemed like it at CIMI. Just SHUT UP! It takes all my strength not to hit you when you tell me you hate me or tell me Im ugly or tell me no one loves me or tell me another one of the million insults you have thought up in your sick mind. Shut up.

DONE. Im so done with...everything. Where the hell did my nice little family go? Where did my awesome friends go? Well for the latter...Washington. I want my best friend back.

CRAZY. Whenever my moms side of the family was going crazy I always had my dads side to be normal and make me feel normal. When did my dads family start falling apart? Ill tell you when. August 28, 2009. The day...The day everything went to hell. Oh thats another insult, but he didnt have to tell me that. I already know Im going to hell (if its real which I dont think it is).

Sorry I know none of this made sense but Im just spiraling downward and none of my thought make sense at the moment.

{as.[in]sane.as.me}

When did this all happen?

When did I grow up? When did I miss being a little kid? Im so excited for high school but Im also scared out of my mind. The biggest thing that scares me is that I dont know what I want to do with my life. Ever since I was little the only thing I ever pictured myself doing is playing music. I wanted to be a musician. But now Im thinking more realistically. A music career most likely isnt going to happen. I think I want to study phsycology in college but I dont know how to make a career out of that. I do NOT want to be a therapist. No way am I sitting in a room listening to someone bitch about there problems. But what is I dont like phsycology? What am I going to do then? I have only ever pictured myself as a musician. I feel lost now...I dont know what to do.

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

the ever confused,
{as.sane.as.me}