Hey, guess what?

Its raining. ♥

Need to write something.

If I dont post something now I never will.

Well...I dont have much to say.

I cant believe I was actually sad for winter break to start because "I wouldnt get to see him for two weeks". Im fine now. And Im not lying. Its not that fine where Im just saying it so you will shut up and leave me alone because Im really dieing inside. No, its not like that anymore. Im actually fine. Slowly but surely getting over it. That pain in the center of my chest hat threatens to tear me apart when I think about him has come for a while. I think I know why. Oh my.....


Well there. Thats a decent post.

Happy Yuletide!

Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Theres a little cotton dress, hanging in my sisters closer. I think Im going to borrow it and wear it this weekend!

Now Playing: Wildflower by The JaneDear Girls

This is my song. Why? Because of 1 line...."And I drive an old, rusted out, Chevrolet. The boys all rubber-neck while they're out making hey!"

I may not be able to drive yet but I LOVE my truck! I have a '62 Chevy truck that used to be my grandfathers. He gave it to my uncle to drive when he was in high school. Its been sitting in my grandparents yard since the 70's so my uncle said I get to drive it while Im in high school! Its blue and the paint job is pretty good. Ill have to upload a picture sometime.

This song describes a country girl and, even though not very many people know this, Im deffinitly a country girl at heart! I love the chorus

"Hey, Im a wildflower, growing in the sunshine.
Soaking up the way of life, I was raised in
Running barefoot, bloomin' in the summer shower,
Ponytail dancing, I cant help it, Im a wildflower."


Thats all for now folks!

Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}





Lyrics from: http://www.songlyrics.com/the-janedear-girls/wildflower-lyrics/

Do You? Well...No.

Now Playing: I'd Lie by Taylor Swift (Yes its another T-Swift song. Shush!)

So I think you need to listen to this song. Its my new favorite. I'm feeling pretty down at the moment, thinking about the boy, and this song...honestly, it made me cry. A few times. So! I feel the need to vent. Let it out. So I made a list of everything I could say about him and I wrote down 37 things. I could have done a few more but I didnt want to go on. I was going to use that as the rest of this post but you dont want to read that so heres my version of Taylors chorus(it doesnt entirely rhyme...):

I could tell you:
His favorite colors blue,
He loves to argue,
Born on the 19th.

His brothers adorable,
In 5th grade his cousin died,
Bt if you ask me if I love him....
I'd lie.

Well I feel a little better. Some of my old habits are trying to come back but Im not going to do that! I wish he had given it a chance. I hate having regrets and I try as much as possible to resolve them but this time...I cant. Im not The Doctor. I dont have a TARDIS. I cant go back in time and change it. I really wish I could though.

Im the kind of person who daydreams like crazy. I sort of...imagine what could happen in the best (and somtimes worst) possible scenario. I think thats part of where my anxiety comes from because Im always in the future. My dad says "depression comes from too much past and anxiety comes from too much futre. You want to be in the present". When/before we were together, in that time when everything was really good and working out the way I wanted it too, I wasnt daydreaming as much because reality was enough for me. Therefore, I didnt have an anxiety. Well now Im daydreaming a lot more to sort of "escape" reality so Im having some mroe anxiety problems. Wow Im rambling a lot....sorry! Off to bed for me.



harry.potter.dreams,

{as.sane.as.me}

She'll Never Know Your Story Like I Do

Now playing: You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

I promise not every song I do will be by Taylor Swift but right now shes singing the soundtrack of my life. For this Im going to do a line by line/verse by verse breakdown for you guys. Here goes nothing...

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do
His girlfriend (now ex) is crazy. Shes always upset about something and they have nothing in common.

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
Oh Tuesdays....this sounds so weird but everything always seemed to happen on Tuesdays.
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
We have the same taste in music. We both love country. She doesnt.
And she'll never know your story like I do
I've known him since 5th grade. We have been friends forever and she will never be friends with him like I was because...it just wouldnt work.

Ok Im bored with this and its depressing me so! Im going to stop. Lets talk a little about yesterday.

Yesterday was my birthday! It was really fun. I got a pentacle necklace from my dad and its so pretty! It has a triple goddess sign on the bottom of the pentacle which is what I really wanted. The AcDec dinner was really fun and the cake was great. The game was a blowout again and the dance was dramatic. He wasnt supposed to be there! He was supposed to be working. I hate him for what he did to Millie.

I cant believe she likes him (not related to the last paragraph). I dont know what I would do if they got back together. Well actually I do know, I would cry. A lot. imissyou.

Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}






Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmania.com/you_belong_with_me_lyrics_taylor_swift.html

Im Not A Princess

White Horse-Taylor Swift

Yup, thats my song right now. Why you ask? Well let me tell you.

Every time I look at the clock at 11:11 or 12:34 or I blow a dandylion or I make a wish on a fallen eyelash I make the same wish. Every time. I wish for Prince Charming. Well guess what? Im not a princess, this is not a fairytale. Sadly I still really like the boy but he is not Prince Charming. I honestly did believe in him. Stupid girl, I should have known. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Really, I was. I dreamed big but now I dont believe in those dreams anymore.

Enough of this madness! I have good news!

Tomorrow is my birthday! I just had dinner with my mom and stepdad and they gave me my birthday present. Its a brand new Nikon Coolpix digital camera! They already charged it and got me a memory card. I will be taking so many pictures tomorrow. But tomorrow isnt just my birthday....its also homecoming! So my plan for the day is as follows:

1) Get up at an absurd hour to get ready for school. I have no quizes to take in AcDec:)
2) Go to the rest of my classes-Pre-AP bio, Adv. Algebra 2, and Pre-AP english. During my math class we have an assembly!
3) After school my father shall pick me up and take me home. Heres where the fun starts.
4) Freshen up after a loooong day at school then go back to school at 5 for an AcDec dinner. Im bringing cake:)
5) Go to the homecoming game and dance!
6) Jen, Amelia (maybe), and Jordan are spending the night. Part-ayyy!

So those are my plans. Im excited! Oh, I almost forgot. Tomorrow is Wild Wild West Day so I get to wear my boots and hat and such. Also, Im going to try to talk to the boy. Maybe we can be friends. I miss him a lot.

Peace.Love&HarryPotter,

{as.sane.as.me}

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Well it has been a mighty long time since I've posted! Im going to be changing this blog up a little (if any of my 5 followers care....). Starting now I will be writing the soundtrack to my life. At the top of every post I will have a song title and author; this will be the song that describes my like at the moment. I will then go on to explain why and rant about the meaningless and trivial events in my life. Just thought I would write a quick explanation of whats going on. I will be making an official post soooooon!

Hello Crazy Person, My Name Is Insanity.

So, I finally just had a breakdown. Big shocker. Well to someone reading this it might be but Im not surprised. Im such a mess all the time. So over the past few days little things have been building up and stressing me out; my mom leaving on her trip, my grandparents are crazy people, Riley, my phone getting screwed up, and so one and so forth! The final straw was my dad flipping out at the cell phone guy when I was trying to get my phone fixed. When he dropped me off at home and was apologizing I lost it. First it was just crying but then I tried to talk which brought on the hyperventilation and then I was sobbing and hyperventilating at the same time. Woo! My dad starts going into his new age-y "be with the feeling, be there for it" crap and that made me mad because I hate when he talks about all that stuff. I love new age ideas and such but for some reason when my dad talks about it I get annoyed. Finally I calm down and he makes me read some "Essential Spirituality" book. To top it all off he makes me meditate with him. Yeah. I was mad at that point and just wanted him to leave but of course he doesnt. I wasnt actually meditating when he was guiding me but whatever. At last he leaves and I go back to being my normal, insane self.

On another note, I dont think I want a relationship with...you know. Him. I just think its a bad idea.

The sky looks like it might rain down on our dry old town. I sure hope it does because, as you know, rain is a good sign.



Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}


P.S. Im watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Thats my favorite:)

I Think Im Falling For You...♥

Oh my, I like this guy. (Not anyone in my last post)

Thats all I have to say on that.

I had such a great 4th of July but I would rather talk about last year. Last years, on the 3rd of July I was in Phoenix with my dads side of the family. My uncle was getting sicker and sicker, closer and closer to dieing. He had cancer and the doctors pretty much said he wouldnt make it. We were staying in a big house my other uncle and aunt had rented for us and we were having a great time; playing games, swimming in the huge pool, playing music, the works. We were playing Apples to Apples when we heard the fireworks outside. Everyone rushed to the door and we watched the fireworks while standing in the middle of the street. It started to rain, I started to cry. Im terrible at hiding tears. I was so sure that he would die. All I could think was, "What if this is the last time I see him?" Well I was right, but it wasnt the last time. It was the second to last. So this year, on the 3rd of July, as we drove to Tubac to watch the fireworks, I couldnt hold back the tears. Even though I still miss the way my family was before and I miss my uncle Im glad I have this memory of the way things used to be.

Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Welcome to the Crazy Train

I havent made a post in a very long time. I have a lot to say. In just a few hours I went from having no guy problems whatsoever to having crazy problems.

First, theres a really cute guy who works at the Greek restaurant I like. The first time I went there after AcDec he kept giving me these...looks. A lot. Amelia saw it too! When we were walking to the bathroom he was walking the opposite way and he gave me the look. Amelia and I just looked at eachother like "What was that?!". Its was sort of a half smile/twitch thing.

Amelia and I went back again today and he was there. He gave me a real smile. When we went order I dropped my change all over the floor. Classy...But I we talked. A little.

Me-"Hey, you were here last time!"
"Yeah." Smile/cute look.

Yeah I know that seems lame and pretty normal but you had to have been there.

He kept smiling at me :). Then when I left he said bye and smiled at me like 3 different times! But it doesnt really matter because I think hes older than me. I think is a good time to mention that I do not like my age.

Second problem, Tristin. You should check my Polyvore (see the banner at top) to see the entire story but basicly...he told me he loves me. I dont like him. Why do I attract crazy people?! Jason is obsessed with me and Tristin loves me? What?? This makes no sense.

Im starting to sound like some stupid boy obsessed girl so I better sign off now.


Peace.Love&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Once a Whore Your Nothing More. Sweety, Thats Never Gunna Change.

Today was...interesting. And slightly dangerous. There is this girl at school who is pretty...tough. I angered her on Facebook even though a lot of people have told me not to piss this girl off. Oh well, I dont listen very well! She came over to confront me at lunch and was cussing me out and going crazy! I kept my cool though. Then she started saying she wanted to fight
"You wanna go?? You wanna go bitch??"
"Im not going to fight you."
"Lets go! Right now!"
"Umm...no."
She pushed me but I was not going to hit her first. If she had hit me I would have fought though because if I didnt my ass would have been kicked. Badly. Im not the strongest person...But it was sort of funny. She was saying how I should be saying things like that (I called her a stupid bitch) and how I should realize that she is a mean person and I should just deal with it (I told her off because she was being mean to my friend). Apparently she cant take what she gives out! Oh well...to bad for her.

Also, Jaime and Adam broke up!

peace.love.harrypotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Because Im just Not that Amazing. Darn.

Does anyone else think that its kind of mean to say to someone "How about no. Your just not that amazing" when someone asks you for your number? Because I do. But thats not really important anymore. What is important now is my hair.

Never get your bangs cut at the mall by a lady whos own bangs are in the middle of her forehead because apparently to her "just above my eyes" means "above my eyebrows and make sure they are really jagged and uneven". Thats obviously what she heard! My bangs are so jacked up Im not going to be able to wear them down for weeks! I want to grow them out anyways.

I dont feel like writing anymore today but you should check out my Polyvore account!
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?id=549338

Byyya!

Peace.Love.&HarryPotter.

{as.sane.as.me}



P.S. I am //that// amazing! Austin can suck it:)

Smother me while im sleeping so I dont have to wake up.

I HATE him. But I dont want to. I want to scream and yell and throw a fit. But I cant.

WHY do you hate me so much? Ive never done anything to you! It all started at CIMI when Carley asked him if he like me. Obviously he doesnt but...it almost seemed like it at CIMI. Just SHUT UP! It takes all my strength not to hit you when you tell me you hate me or tell me Im ugly or tell me no one loves me or tell me another one of the million insults you have thought up in your sick mind. Shut up.

DONE. Im so done with...everything. Where the hell did my nice little family go? Where did my awesome friends go? Well for the latter...Washington. I want my best friend back.

CRAZY. Whenever my moms side of the family was going crazy I always had my dads side to be normal and make me feel normal. When did my dads family start falling apart? Ill tell you when. August 28, 2009. The day...The day everything went to hell. Oh thats another insult, but he didnt have to tell me that. I already know Im going to hell (if its real which I dont think it is).

Sorry I know none of this made sense but Im just spiraling downward and none of my thought make sense at the moment.

{as.[in]sane.as.me}

When did this all happen?

When did I grow up? When did I miss being a little kid? Im so excited for high school but Im also scared out of my mind. The biggest thing that scares me is that I dont know what I want to do with my life. Ever since I was little the only thing I ever pictured myself doing is playing music. I wanted to be a musician. But now Im thinking more realistically. A music career most likely isnt going to happen. I think I want to study phsycology in college but I dont know how to make a career out of that. I do NOT want to be a therapist. No way am I sitting in a room listening to someone bitch about there problems. But what is I dont like phsycology? What am I going to do then? I have only ever pictured myself as a musician. I feel lost now...I dont know what to do.

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

the ever confused,
{as.sane.as.me}

My First Eyebrow Waxing!

Hello Loves,

I really want to do another pageant! I need to find one though. Its harder than I thought to start out in the pageant circuit.

I just had the strangest dinner. It consisted of 1 taco, 1 piece of fried chicken, and my moms homemade mushroom pasta. It was pretty good though!

I want to do camp this summer to. Maybe drama camp. Or horse camp. I dont know!

I dont know what to write anymore.

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

P.S.

The first all gay 3D porno is coming out! Its called Whorey Potter and the Sorcerers Balls. Yup. Just thought you ought to know!

Oh, Lord.

Hello blogosphere! So very sorry that I havent been writing much but Ive been pretty busy. First off lets talk about CIMI and all the drama around that.

First: Victoria

Honestly I think she just lives off of drama and creates it for no reason. She makes up lies and starts fight between people and Im sick of it! She can be really nice but its not doing me any good to be friends with her. So Im not going to be.

Second: Perry

I know Im not supposed to let him get to me but when someone keeps telling you that you are ugly and no one likes you you start to believe it. He was actually being nice to me until the last day at CIMI. Then he was even worse than before. I dont understand why he hates me so much. I have never done anything to him to deserve this! He treats me like shit even when I try to avoid him. He just needs to stop.

Third: Relationships

This goes back to Victoria a bit. She breaks up with her boyfriend to get back together with her ex on the CIMI trip??? Wow...I was sitting in front of them on the bus and I couldnt turn around. It was awkward when I did...Then Jaime (my newest friend!) got together with Adam. They are adorable together and I wanted them to get together but I did not expect them to go that fast! They had been going put for a few HOURS and were already all over each other on the bus. They were sitting in front of me on the bus so can you see how awkward this would be?? Very.

Ok this has been a lot of writing for today. I still have more that I need to get out but this is not the time or place.

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Is it a Wild Hippo?

Im listening to the TV talk about a man being attacked by a hippo. My family is in town and Im nauseous. I want to go see Alice in Wonderland but all of my friends are out of town for SPRING BREAK! Im texting Adam while he is on a cruise and Im very jealous.

Speaking of jealous...
Did you know that it is very rainy in New York? I do. Not because Im there or because I checked the weather channel but because my family is there. My Aunt and Uncle have been taking my other Aunt and her 3 kids (my only cousins on my dads side) on really nice vacations to Mexico. They dont invite me. Now they are on a trip to New York City. Seeing plays on Broadway and having a freaking awesome time.

My back hurts.

Barbies make me mad.

Bella wont stop playing tat damn xylophone.

Im mad.

FML

My first Bottle

So Im with family in Phoenix. Baby sitting a 10 month old and a 9 year old while watching the Hangover. Win.

I just made my first bottle! 8 ounces and 4 scoops microwaved for 30 seconds. Ha. I was really mad about having to come up here but its not that bad. Im actually having a little fun. The 9 year old is a little bitch but the 10 month old is the best little baby ever!

This morning my sisters fiance and I went on the great bagel hunt. The Einsteins Bagels by their house had a broken oven so there didnt have many bagels. We spent the next hour driving around looking for a place to get bagels. We ended up in the bakery department of Safeway. Safeway actually has really good bagels!

This babysitting gig is pretty easy. My 9 year old niece pretty much takes care of the baby while I sit bag and write up my new blog posts. Im really craving chocolate right now. I also need to take a shower so my family better get home soon. They are out buying plants. The reason for us coming up to Phoenix was so we can landscape my sisters yard. Its looking really good!

I spent about 20 minutes yesterday running up and down the sidewalk with the baby in her stroller. She loved it! I got a good workout too.

Remember: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for Herpes. That shit will come back to you.

Peace.Love.And.HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

i.had.an.overwhelming.urge.to.flip.you.off

My step dad just walked by my window and i really did have on overwhelming urge to flip him off. Interesting. I get these urges a lot. Not because Im angry or anything, just an urge. Usually they are to punch or kick people though. They can be fun sometimes! Haha.

Anyways, today was...average. Im really starting to resent couples. I have mixed feeling about being around then though. I like hanging around couples because sometimes they are really cute and I get a happy, fuzzy feeling watching them but other times I want to throw things at them and scream. Im a very jealous person by nature and it bothers me.

Jealousy: (n) jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

I hate always being jealous of other people. Its pretty much a constant feeling, it doesnt go away. There was a new girl in my 2nd period today. I wanted to through my journal at her head because every guy in the room was drooling over her. Then at lunch I got jealous because someone got back with there girlfriend even though he had just told me he liked me. I wasnt jealous of her because she had him. I was jealous of her because she had someone.

And that is all...

Peace(love?)&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

finding the Answers

Today, I made a revelation. This revelation came to me in the bathroom (seriously it did). Lets see if I can remember it!

Today in geometry everyone was picking on each other. We weren't trying to be mean, just having fun. I made fun of Perry's eyebrows. I do that when Im looking for a low-blow because Perry once told me that a girl rejected him because his eyebrows were too bushy (he has abnormally bushy eyebrows!). So when I told Perry to move because his eyebrows were blocking my view he decided to draw an offensive picture of me on the board making fun of my hair and such. It was complete with a witch nose (that was just a coincidence, he doesnt know Im Wiccan)!

As recently as a year ago that would have bothered me. Really upset me. But not anymore. I have finally come to terms with myself enough to not let other people bring me down so easily! The way I see it is if people like me then thats great! If not they can just suck it. Im happy with this revelation.

On another note, Morgan isnt as mad at me anymore! She left for N.A.U. after school today so I wont be seeing her for months but its ok now. She called me a whore:) I know you probably think thats strange but we call each other whores as a term of endearment.

The only thing that makes me feel a little down is the fact that my friends keep leaving me...I know its not really a big deal but I hate having friends so far away! Zoey, my absolute best friend, lives all the way in Washington and I recently found out she isnt moving back here for high school. Now Morgans at N.A.U. and then shes going to be leaving for even longer to travel around...Europe, I think, to play with her jazz band.

Well this wasnt the most interesting post ever but I needed to get some things out of my head. Huge thanks to anyone who reads this...Amelia:)

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Hello, Folks

Well...I screwed up. I admit it and Im sorry. I keep saying that. "Im sorry", that phrase is so over used it doesnt have much meaning anymore. But still I say it.

As you know I went and hung out with Nick. Bad, bad, bad decision. Telling Morgan was hard. Hearing her response was harder. She was so upset and hurt and angry and betrayed! All because of me. Im not proud of myself right now...She wouldnt even look at me all day. I even gave her a tampon! (Long story, inside joke. Maybe Ill tell you guys someday.) Well Im considering doing a spell for forgiveness. I really dont want her to leave and still be mad at me! Well Ive talked about this so much today I just need a break. Lets move on to a better subject.

If rain is a good sign maybe she will forgive me. Its raining today. Yes! I love the rain. I love the clouds. I love the dark air.

Most people find this weather gloomy and depressing but to me, its happy. The clouds give me a feeling of security that I just cant get from the blue skies and sun. The rain drops falling down does remind me of tears but they also remind me of life. "Crying doesnt indicate weakness, ever since birth its been a sign of life." I hope I quoted that correctly. Im too lazy to look it up. Well anyways, rain is the essential giver of life in the world. (btw Morgan just text me and it wasnt to tell me how upset she is(: yay). Im a Libra, which is an air sign, but I really think Im more of a water sign person. Ever since I was little I would spend all day long in the pool or playing in the mud or running in the rain. Water is my thing.

So I feel as if Im rambling on...I will stop now! Thanks if you read all this. Probably just Amelia or Jennifer (hi guys!) Ha. Well Im off now

peace,love,and harry potter

{as.sane.as.me}

i.felt.as.if.i.would.burst.into.flames

Well, first order of business! Morgan, don't be mad when I tell you all of this tomorrow. I swear we are just friends and that's all we ever will be.

Second order of business! Amelia, if you read this please don't tell Morgan. I want to tell her myself because I'm not entirely sure how she will react...

Now, here's the story.

I am a bad person. My friend Morgan is going through a rather bad break-up with her boyfriend, Nick, of almost 9 months. I'm also friends with Nick. We text a lot, he's older than me, and goes to a different school. Him and Morgan go to the same church. Saturday night Nick asked me if I wanted to go church with him and hang out because my other friend TJ goes their and they always hang out before the service.

Let's insert some random info here: If you have read my bio or know me personally then you know I'm Wiccan. I hate churches! They scare me and I don't really like Christian views (no offense if you are Christian, it's just my opinion).

So with that information in your head lets continue the story.

I decided to go. I do not know why exactly...I think it's because I wanted to meet Nick (we hadn't actually met until then, just texts). The one problem with this is...Morgan was out of town. I'm not really sure if she would have wanted me to go hang out with her ex boyfriend without her there. I would never, EVER be anything other than friends with Nick because of his history with Morgan so she really has nothing to worry about but I know that she's jealous he talks to me when he won't even return her text messages...

So I just needed to get that off my chest! I'm going to tell her at school tomorrow. Hopefully she's ok with it.

Peace, love, and Harry Potter,
{as.sane.as.me}


p.s. that was the most BORING church service I have ever sat through!!

Lets Go Tick Off The Morality Police

Hello,
So for this first blog post Im going to talk about random things. I was sick yesterday but Im feeling better today. I get pretty dizzy when I get up though. Ive stopped acheing though!

So Austin is the new kid at school. I find him attractive and he likes Harry Potter. Im a huge HP nerd! He likes/liked Carly but now is going out with Victoria. I really like Austin. He knows I like him! Victoria really doesn't like me...when she was with Riley (one of my random guy friends) she thought i was going to steal him from her. Ha. Like thats ever going to happen!! Well to sum it up: Im pretty bummed out because Austin has a girlfriend.

Im living vicariously through my non-single friends. (Amelia, that pretty much means you!)

PeaceLove&HarryPotter,

{as.sane.as.me}