Do You? Well...No.

Now Playing: I'd Lie by Taylor Swift (Yes its another T-Swift song. Shush!)

So I think you need to listen to this song. Its my new favorite. I'm feeling pretty down at the moment, thinking about the boy, and this song...honestly, it made me cry. A few times. So! I feel the need to vent. Let it out. So I made a list of everything I could say about him and I wrote down 37 things. I could have done a few more but I didnt want to go on. I was going to use that as the rest of this post but you dont want to read that so heres my version of Taylors chorus(it doesnt entirely rhyme...):

I could tell you:
His favorite colors blue,
He loves to argue,
Born on the 19th.

His brothers adorable,
In 5th grade his cousin died,
Bt if you ask me if I love him....
I'd lie.

Well I feel a little better. Some of my old habits are trying to come back but Im not going to do that! I wish he had given it a chance. I hate having regrets and I try as much as possible to resolve them but this time...I cant. Im not The Doctor. I dont have a TARDIS. I cant go back in time and change it. I really wish I could though.

Im the kind of person who daydreams like crazy. I sort of...imagine what could happen in the best (and somtimes worst) possible scenario. I think thats part of where my anxiety comes from because Im always in the future. My dad says "depression comes from too much past and anxiety comes from too much futre. You want to be in the present". When/before we were together, in that time when everything was really good and working out the way I wanted it too, I wasnt daydreaming as much because reality was enough for me. Therefore, I didnt have an anxiety. Well now Im daydreaming a lot more to sort of "escape" reality so Im having some mroe anxiety problems. Wow Im rambling a lot....sorry! Off to bed for me.



harry.potter.dreams,

{as.sane.as.me}

i.had.an.overwhelming.urge.to.flip.you.off

My step dad just walked by my window and i really did have on overwhelming urge to flip him off. Interesting. I get these urges a lot. Not because Im angry or anything, just an urge. Usually they are to punch or kick people though. They can be fun sometimes! Haha.

Anyways, today was...average. Im really starting to resent couples. I have mixed feeling about being around then though. I like hanging around couples because sometimes they are really cute and I get a happy, fuzzy feeling watching them but other times I want to throw things at them and scream. Im a very jealous person by nature and it bothers me.

Jealousy: (n) jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

I hate always being jealous of other people. Its pretty much a constant feeling, it doesnt go away. There was a new girl in my 2nd period today. I wanted to through my journal at her head because every guy in the room was drooling over her. Then at lunch I got jealous because someone got back with there girlfriend even though he had just told me he liked me. I wasnt jealous of her because she had him. I was jealous of her because she had someone.

And that is all...

Peace(love?)&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}