Oh, Lord.

Hello blogosphere! So very sorry that I havent been writing much but Ive been pretty busy. First off lets talk about CIMI and all the drama around that.

First: Victoria

Honestly I think she just lives off of drama and creates it for no reason. She makes up lies and starts fight between people and Im sick of it! She can be really nice but its not doing me any good to be friends with her. So Im not going to be.

Second: Perry

I know Im not supposed to let him get to me but when someone keeps telling you that you are ugly and no one likes you you start to believe it. He was actually being nice to me until the last day at CIMI. Then he was even worse than before. I dont understand why he hates me so much. I have never done anything to him to deserve this! He treats me like shit even when I try to avoid him. He just needs to stop.

Third: Relationships

This goes back to Victoria a bit. She breaks up with her boyfriend to get back together with her ex on the CIMI trip??? Wow...I was sitting in front of them on the bus and I couldnt turn around. It was awkward when I did...Then Jaime (my newest friend!) got together with Adam. They are adorable together and I wanted them to get together but I did not expect them to go that fast! They had been going put for a few HOURS and were already all over each other on the bus. They were sitting in front of me on the bus so can you see how awkward this would be?? Very.

Ok this has been a lot of writing for today. I still have more that I need to get out but this is not the time or place.

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

i.had.an.overwhelming.urge.to.flip.you.off

My step dad just walked by my window and i really did have on overwhelming urge to flip him off. Interesting. I get these urges a lot. Not because Im angry or anything, just an urge. Usually they are to punch or kick people though. They can be fun sometimes! Haha.

Anyways, today was...average. Im really starting to resent couples. I have mixed feeling about being around then though. I like hanging around couples because sometimes they are really cute and I get a happy, fuzzy feeling watching them but other times I want to throw things at them and scream. Im a very jealous person by nature and it bothers me.

Jealousy: (n) jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

I hate always being jealous of other people. Its pretty much a constant feeling, it doesnt go away. There was a new girl in my 2nd period today. I wanted to through my journal at her head because every guy in the room was drooling over her. Then at lunch I got jealous because someone got back with there girlfriend even though he had just told me he liked me. I wasnt jealous of her because she had him. I was jealous of her because she had someone.

And that is all...

Peace(love?)&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

finding the Answers

Today, I made a revelation. This revelation came to me in the bathroom (seriously it did). Lets see if I can remember it!

Today in geometry everyone was picking on each other. We weren't trying to be mean, just having fun. I made fun of Perry's eyebrows. I do that when Im looking for a low-blow because Perry once told me that a girl rejected him because his eyebrows were too bushy (he has abnormally bushy eyebrows!). So when I told Perry to move because his eyebrows were blocking my view he decided to draw an offensive picture of me on the board making fun of my hair and such. It was complete with a witch nose (that was just a coincidence, he doesnt know Im Wiccan)!

As recently as a year ago that would have bothered me. Really upset me. But not anymore. I have finally come to terms with myself enough to not let other people bring me down so easily! The way I see it is if people like me then thats great! If not they can just suck it. Im happy with this revelation.

On another note, Morgan isnt as mad at me anymore! She left for N.A.U. after school today so I wont be seeing her for months but its ok now. She called me a whore:) I know you probably think thats strange but we call each other whores as a term of endearment.

The only thing that makes me feel a little down is the fact that my friends keep leaving me...I know its not really a big deal but I hate having friends so far away! Zoey, my absolute best friend, lives all the way in Washington and I recently found out she isnt moving back here for high school. Now Morgans at N.A.U. and then shes going to be leaving for even longer to travel around...Europe, I think, to play with her jazz band.

Well this wasnt the most interesting post ever but I needed to get some things out of my head. Huge thanks to anyone who reads this...Amelia:)

PeaceLove&HarryPotter

{as.sane.as.me}

Hello, Folks

Well...I screwed up. I admit it and Im sorry. I keep saying that. "Im sorry", that phrase is so over used it doesnt have much meaning anymore. But still I say it.

As you know I went and hung out with Nick. Bad, bad, bad decision. Telling Morgan was hard. Hearing her response was harder. She was so upset and hurt and angry and betrayed! All because of me. Im not proud of myself right now...She wouldnt even look at me all day. I even gave her a tampon! (Long story, inside joke. Maybe Ill tell you guys someday.) Well Im considering doing a spell for forgiveness. I really dont want her to leave and still be mad at me! Well Ive talked about this so much today I just need a break. Lets move on to a better subject.

If rain is a good sign maybe she will forgive me. Its raining today. Yes! I love the rain. I love the clouds. I love the dark air.

Most people find this weather gloomy and depressing but to me, its happy. The clouds give me a feeling of security that I just cant get from the blue skies and sun. The rain drops falling down does remind me of tears but they also remind me of life. "Crying doesnt indicate weakness, ever since birth its been a sign of life." I hope I quoted that correctly. Im too lazy to look it up. Well anyways, rain is the essential giver of life in the world. (btw Morgan just text me and it wasnt to tell me how upset she is(: yay). Im a Libra, which is an air sign, but I really think Im more of a water sign person. Ever since I was little I would spend all day long in the pool or playing in the mud or running in the rain. Water is my thing.

So I feel as if Im rambling on...I will stop now! Thanks if you read all this. Probably just Amelia or Jennifer (hi guys!) Ha. Well Im off now

peace,love,and harry potter

{as.sane.as.me}